With my recent revelations in various aspects of my life, I've slowly began to overwhelm myself with change. Perhaps that can speak to my month long hiatus; having too much on my mind is just as bad as having nothing on my mind.
The constant changes I am experiencing in both my professional and personal life have also played a significant role in my jumbled state. Graduating, switching jobs, starting the grad school hunt, and adulting in general have caught up to my usual "go with the flow" disposition. It's not that I feel I've hit rock bottom and have lost all guidance, I am just becoming more aware that I don't have it all figured out, and that's okay.
I was speaking to one of my best friends, Karen (check out her blog!) and we were discussing how crazy it is that we always worry about what the future holds until we reach that point and realize it wasn't a big deal. I was looking back on my high school experience and telling her that I would've never imagined myself a college student. The scary application process fueled by the thought of rejection helped make it seem unattainable. But then I got in, and school was... okay. Then I thought back to my sleepless nights and below average test results, I was certain I wasn't ever going to graduate college. Four years later, I did with internships, academic recognition, and a job.
Now, I don't say this to brag; but I am proud of my accomplishments. And although some of my days are riddled with anxiety and worry, I never let it get to the point where I lose sight of what's really important to me. Matthew 6:33 summarizes the guide I have for the rest of my life – putting God first.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.
It was by God's grace that I could make it this far and I know I have a long way to go. This upcoming year I plan on really thinking about how far I've come and how far I'd like to continue. I tend to forget that I'm only 22 and already have so much going for myself. Of all the things I could boast about, I'm most proud of building my relationship with Christ.
I'm not perfect and I never hope to be. It's been a long time coming, but 2018 is around the corner and I have so many plans for myself, the blog, and my professional life. I know that if I continue to seek kingdom relationships and kingdom endeavors, seeing these goals to fruition will be a great journey.