Before I start, I'd like to say that I am proud of myself for thinking of this clever blog post title. I thought of it while I was cooking chicken tonight. I've been able to learn about myself so much having been in a relationship this past year. Though a lot of it was challenging, it was an eye opening experience.
One of the things I learned in this relationship is that I am way too passive aggressive. I always tell myself that I don't argue because.
- I channel the loving Christian in me
- I'm a virgo, we're just shady not angry
- If it won't matter in 5 years I won't waste more than 5 minutes on it.
My passiveness worked to my demise in ending this relationship however. I am not a regretful person but sometimes I wish I could go back in time and lose my shit. For the theatrics at least.
I learned that there are a lot of things wrong with me. I talk too much, I always have something to bicker about, I read into things too much. The funny thing is, I have always known about these things, I've known myself for almost 21 years. Which leads me into the next thing I learned about myself. I don't know as much about myself as I thought, but I am not clueless about who I am. To all my 20 - something's out there, don't let anyone or anything make you feel like you're a stranger to yourself. You know all that you need to know, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
As I am writing this I'm realizing that knowing yourself is a motif of what being in a relationship has taught me. A mediocre rapper once said "know ya self, know ya worth". You'll never know you are settling with someone until they do you dirty not once, not twice, but multiple times. The first time though, you'll tell yourself "this is new to us, we are still figuring things out". The next time, you'll ignore what you said last time. And the third time, you wish you'd lost your shit. Trust what your instinct tells you about anything and make sure you're asking God for guidance and advice. The heart wants what it wants but at what cost?
Lastly, I re-learned that I am amazing. No one will compliment me like I compliment me. As young women, especially us young black women - we are underappreciated and our greatness tends to go unnoticed. Accomplishments of mediocre men become nebulous to what we battle. If no one can appreciate us, the least we can do is love ourselves to the fullest. No shade, fellas.
For me, it sounds like this:
Repeat this mantra -- You're beautiful, you're smart, you're pursuing a degree, you're caring, you've got a great bod, you have friends and family that love you, you're kind and loving, and you're okay.
This turned into exactly what I didn't want it to but the words don't lie.
PS: please watch this -- it's what inspired this post.